Aiming for Happily Ever After
by whatevergirl
Summary: Kink Meme Prompt: 'Where Valjean is the handsome knight who saves the princess from the dragon... Except, Valjean has no shining armour because he can't afford it, and Javert is no princess; he already saved her some time ago, but ended up getting stuck in the bloody castle... He's a little snarky about it.' Makinghugospin: Round 4, page 42
1. Chapter 1

Les Mis is not mine and I make no money from it. The Les Mis timeline has no meaning here...

* * *

It was just another dull day. Javert stared out the window at the pink lined clouds, waiting for the sun to rise more fully and heat his face. It was just another day where the only company he would get would be those bloody mice that kept squeaking at him, as though he ought to understand what they were saying, or those birds that kept dancing along the windowsill...

If he could be a little faster, he'd cook one of those things on a fire. It would serve them right for taunting him so often with their own freedom while he was stuck in here, and he wanted to eat something more exciting than fish. The dragon was very firm in its duties though, and every time Javert tried to sneak out the castle, there it was...

He desperately wished those bandits had not told him about how there was a murderer up here, and he was keeping a woman hostage. Apparently, the fact that the woman was a whore and the murderer was... well, a violent murderer had meant no one had wanted to bring him to justice. He was a twenty five year old guard though, and he had been forced to go on holiday because he had never had one in the seven years he had been working in the prison.

He had found the woman, a thin and shaking creature called Fantine, who had profusely thanked him. She had scarpered quickly, rather than telling him the murderer was a dragon, and he required at least one human on the grounds at all times. The fucking villagers had not thought that, oh- maybe a rotation system on who was stuck in this place might be nice? Nope... they were_ idiots_...

So, Javert was stuck in a castle, with no company except for numerous fluffy animals that acted as though he was crazy enough to think people could talk to them. He did not know what this said about the previous occupants of the castle, but perhaps it was for the best that he was alone.

The dragon itself could not talk physically, however it was capable of talking to Javert in his mind – 'telepathic speech' as the damn thing constantly insisted, but it didn't seem intelligent enough to take a hint that Javert did not want to be there. If anything, it had been thrilled that Javert was a virgin, having never even gone as far as to touch himself.

Having a dragon happily tell you he was glad no one had gotten into his trousers was never a comfortable conversation. Ever. At all. It was not one Javert ever intended to have again. He had vetoed this topic of conversation. The dragon ended up vetoing discussions on how nice blackbirds were when baked in pies, or how quickly rabbits run, or the time a kitten had made its way onto the grounds and Javert had wanted to put that into some pastry or something... The dragon liked the bloody animals, so topics in that area were off limits.

They still managed to discuss a number of other things. The dragon knew all about how to sew, how to cook wonderful vegetable stews, how to help injured animals... Javert had ended up calling the thing 'Maman', and it had stuck. Javert had tried explaining the law, but as the law only applied to humans then it seemed rather pointless.

Maman Dragon had started up conversations about how he would like a handsome man to come and take Javert's hand in marriage, how they could have the wedding here and fill the house with pretty young children. This led Javert to two conclusions: one, that the people previously here were all simpering fools, and two, that the dragon had not yet gained an understanding of biology.

It turned out the castle had previously been filled with simpering fools, but the dragon was not one of them. The dragon had magic, and if he decided Javert was going to birth children, then Javert was bloody well going to be able to birth children. He just needed the right suitor first. So Javert was stuck listening to Maman Dragon debate whether Javert's suitor should be older or young (Older, for the wisdom and experience, but age didn't matter when the dragon was determined for a happily ever after), what job he should have (some kind of gardener, because the dragon would keep Javert right in the kitchen), how many children they should have (as many as possible) and would likely would have kept making decisions for the nonexistent couple except Javert told the thing he would commit suicide if the topic didn't change.

They had then moved onto different philosophical ideas. Maman Dragon was very much a believer in 'Cogito ergo sum', but Javert had objected that if telepathy existed, and Javert had to listen to the dragon put thoughts into his head all day, then how did he know for sure that his thoughts were his own. 'I think therefore I am' was not an adequate base for the evidence of your own existence around a telepathic dragon.

This then pushed them into discussions on 'what reality is'. They decided that they had covered only independent thought exists earlier, regardless of who the independent thought belonged to. So they discussed was it possible for everything to be an illusion. This certainly was possible, that nothing here truly existed, and it was all imaginary. The problem in this area was, again, thought. They at least had to have something to be able to think, even if they could not disprove the idea that what exists around them was not real.

They moved into whether there was just one thinking being, or if there were many. Maman Dragon said he could hear many voices, sometimes too distant to hear actual words, but they were always there. Javert had claimed they could be parts of his own mind he was hearing, still pretty certain in his belief that anyone who stayed here too long went crazy. Maman Dragon insisted he would be able to tell the difference, and that he knew he had never had, or even imagined, some of the things Javert had seen in Toulon Prison. Again... the occupants had been simpering fools...

The idea that several telepathic people existed and that they could converse was not particularly strange to Javert. He still believed in reality, even if they were just discussing it, because how could several telepathic beings all experience the same laws of reality as each other. Would it be a coincidence? Everything that is thrown up must fall back down... Yet, how is it if there was no reality that this was not true for everyone.

It had been one evening, while they had been fiercely discussing this that someone came across them. Maman Dragon told him that he hoped it was a suitor, but he would have to check if the man was worthy first. Javert had called back that he was no princess, and that he did not need some motherly dragon telling him who to have sex and make babies with.


	2. Chapter 2

Jean Valjean should have known something was wrong when the villagers were sniggering as they sent him off to the castle. He was a strong thirty seven year old man in desperate need of a good reputation though. He had just been released from prison- 11 years for stealing a loaf of bread! How was that fair? It would have been longer if he hadn't tripped over on his last escape attempt; the guard had nearly pissed himself laughing, but had not sent him to the magistrate for an increase in time.

So, he was out of Toulon, looking for a job. It had so far proved impossible. He had spent the night in the home of a kindly foolish priest. He had been debating whether or not it would be acceptable to slip one silver fork into his knapsack... just one... But the man had distracted him by mentioning the nearby castle. He had claimed there was a dragon up there; a lonely thing had always had a person with him. He had reeled off into some nonsense about an elderly couple who had lived there with a simple child, how they had been left there until another person had gotten herself trapped there when this child made her escape, years after the parents had died.

He mentioned how the child had her own children now and was married to an innkeeper. The priest still felt sorry for the child, still prayed for her, because she did not understand the world, did not understand God's Law, or man's law.

Valjean had settled down on an overly comfortable bed that night, dreaming of forging a new reputation as a dragon slayer, with a princess on his arm and a castle as his own... it was worth more than an elderly priest's gold, so he thanked God for the chance.

When Valjean headed into the village the next day, he met the innkeeper and his wife. If she had been a simple child before, she had been thoroughly corrupted by her husband. The two of them laughed like hyenas at everything anyone said, and their fingers couldn't be more slippery if they had covered them in butter. Valjean held tight to his knapsack and his few belongings.

There were numerous children here, two of the couple's own, a baby boy and a young girl, and there was another child. She was stick thin, with large eyes and a filthy face. This child was pathetic, and Valjean could feel his heart going out to her. He would return for this child, he knew. He would not leave her to their mercies, but it would have to wait until he had managed to slay the dragon.

The woman had told him about how dull the castle had been, how the dragon had been fierce, and how she had ran the first chance she had gotten. She had refused to say anything else when she realised he did not own a single sous.

So, Valjean had informed some of the villagers what he was planning to do, and one of them had given him an old sword. They had sent him off with well wishes and laughter.

When he reached the castle, nearly an hour later, it was big. He stared at it. It was really big. How was he supposed to find a dragon and a princess in here? He'd be searching forever, and there was no way to send them a message to stand still so they didn't wander into a room he had already searched.

Nonetheless, Valjean set off into the castle gardens, walking over the bridge that crossed the moat.

Surely the dragon could not be so difficult? The gardens were a bit overgrown, but they weren't burnt and neither was the bridge. Still, how terrifying did the dragon have to be that no one had dared risk it for so long?

He was staring at an orchard when he heard the dragon. It snuck up behind him, and when he turned around he barely repressed the scream.

"Hi." He heard, though he saw no one else.

"What?"

"In your head..."

"_What_?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake. Let's speed this along shall we? Oh look, a telepathically talking dragon? Oh my..."

Valjean stared at the dragon, his lips moving silently.

"An idiot? Oh dear... he won't like that. You started out with so much potential as a suitor."

"A suitor?" he shuck his stupor away. He was here to slay the dragon and marry the princess.

"You aren't marrying anyone unless I say so. Still yourself down and let's talk."

He was being ordered around by a dragon that was talking in his head... Perhaps sitting down was a good idea, his knees felt weak.

"You like gardening; that is good. And you are older, but not by too much. That is also good. You a little lacking in experience, but you have some wisdom..."

"Oh..."

"Why should I accept you as a suitor for Javert?"

"Umm..." Was Javert the princess? He was still feeling a little light headed. He had come up here expecting to fight, not be questioned on the worth as a groom. "I guess... there is no one else?"

It didn't seem as though they got visitors often. He watched the dragon snort out a puff of smoke and heard it chuckle in his head.

"I suppose so." The dragon then straightened up. "I am Maman Dragon and you are now about to meet Javert because he cannot do as he is told."

He? ... Indeed, a young man with short dark hair was storming over to them, scowling up at the dragon. He stopped and glared at it some more, waving a hand around for a moment before crossing them both over his chest. He then fixed his glare on Valjean, who continued gaping- No wonder the villagers had been laughing when he had gone in search of a princess.

"And you are...?" Snapped the young man.

"Jean Valjean."

"You are a prisoner, no?"

"What? No! I was... but I was released." He wanted to explain how he had only stolen bread, how he wasn't exactly a bad man, but it occurred to him that he was a criminal. He had struggled to find anywhere that would accept him; it was why he had had to come to do battle with a dragon. It was no good defending himself when there was a telepathic dragon with motherly tendencies here though.

The young man turned to glare at the dragon again, several words slipping out while he apparently argued.

"I would... Holiday is over... unfair!... pay... Urgh!" he hissed slightly, before once again looking at Valjean. He managed to hold back his scowl though.

"I am Luc Javert, a guard at Toulon Prison. Or I was before I got tricked into coming here."

"Jean Valjean. Ex-convict of Toulon Prison, trying to find a new job."

"Wonderful." Except his expression said anything but...

"Hi... Tricked?"

"Oh, yes. You didn't think I was some damsel in distress, did you? No. There has to be at least one person here at all times to keep Maman Dragon happy. Something to do with a curse apparently."

"Any one person?"

"Yes. The villagers are too stupid to understand that though."

"Ah."

"And Maman Dragon has taken a liking to me." The dragon almost seemed to purr at this, and he settled down beside them, tilting his head to enjoy the light breeze.

"I wondered why I was being questioned over my worthiness as a suitor."

"He wants me to live here forever and have lots of little children with a gardener." This was said in an exasperated voice, eyes rolling indicating it was an old argument.

"I used to be a gardener... But you are no female. Why am I being questioned?"

"Gender is... no issue... apparently." He scowled again. Javert was far more attractive without that on his face.

"Fair enough... So, someone has to be here at all times? Am I allowed to leave? Because there is a child I swore to collect..."

"That's the curse, but you can leave." The boy smiled at him. It was an attractive look. "So, you will come back?"

"Am I allowed to return?"

"Yes. You are a suitable mate. You may leave to collect the child."

"Brilliant... May I ask, what is the curse?"

"It was cast by that wicked little girl who used to live here. She spoke the words, but did not understand what she did and did not know how to undo it. Everything inside the grounds is bound here, unless it is replaced by something equal to it."

"Meaning?"

"You cannot take anything out. Not on your own, and not without replacing it. A cup cannot be taken if nothing is brought in to replace it. A person cannot leave unless another soul comes in its stead. This goes for everything, including myself."

"You... can't fly around?"

"I can gain some height, but not enough for an enjoyable flight."

"Can I help break it?"

"I need her or someone with her blood to break the curse."

"Will ... Will they die?" He thought of the woman's two children, not as horrific as the other child, bit still beaten if they got in her way, the baby boy had been ignored while he cried for hours...

"No. I believe it is merely a cut that is required, but I need the book to confirm."

"I'll find that." Javert spoke up. He smiled lightly again. It was almost hesitant, as though he wasn't sure how to smile when he actually thought about it.

"I will be bringing three children back with me, if I can. Though, it may take some effort to get them off her."

"Tell the police about her. If she is a nasty woman then they will find something. I assume that is why you want to remove the children from her care?"

"Yes... I shall see you soon?"

"Fine. Goodbye." Javert's response was short, but he returned the embrace Valjean gave him. The older man let go when the dragon huffed smoke in his face.

"Don't take so long over it. You aren't married yet. Now, fare well. I hope your quest is successful."

He laughed slightly, but set off back to the village.


	3. Chapter 3

Epilogue

It was a little unnerving when everything went according to plan with regards to their wedding. Javert argued with Maman Dragon until he agreed neither of them were changing names. The broken curse meant they had been able to go see the priest about getting married. It turned out he was a Bishop, but was more than happy to perform the ceremony for them; something about how if God had had to put a dragon in their path to get them there then it was meant to be.

This was fine, and they happily agreed and continued with the wedding. No one walked down the aisle, which was probably for the best otherwise Maman Dragon may have insisted on walking Javert down it, and they would have had to have it outside. As it was, the wedding was simple, in the church without the children or their dragon.

They hurried back to see Maman Dragon teaching Éponine how to cook and Cosette how to change Gavroche when he made too much of a mess. All three children seemed happy, so the men went upstairs to their bed chamber.

"I just have... just one question." Valjean was staring at his husband nervously as he stood in just his trousers, a phial of oil in his hand.

"Yes." Javert replied as he stripped off his own clothing.

"You won't... You won't be getting pregnant straight away, right?"

"No." Javert turned to smile at him. "Now, get that off and get over here."

The two of them happily settled down to business, kissing and sucking, moaning and laughing as they moved.

Valjean was busy stretching Javert when the man underneath him froze.

"What's wrong?"

Javert did not answer.

"My love?"

The younger man's arousal was ebbing away...

"It is very difficult to set about on our practise to make babies when he is in my head asking how far along we are."

Ah... Valjean blushed, trying not to think of Javert's pseudo-mother trying to hear if they had gotten very far along yet.

"It would be nice if we were just... left to it."

"I would insist he goes for a fly around, if it weren't for the children."

Valjean settled back down over Javert, kissing him gently, trying to bring back to mood. Javert began to relax, returning his kisses, wrapping his arms around his husband...

"No... No good. I need to go shout at him. Get dressed, you are getting the children. Telepathic shouting won't cover this and I don't want them to hear me."

Valjean dropped a kiss to his one true love, before straightening up, wiping the remaining oil off his hands and getting dressed.

Dragons may sound amazing, but they certainly had a habit of trying to interrupt people's happily ever after.


End file.
